It's 2018 and we've begun the year of the dog. For many, this means a fresh start and making resolutions. Other people like to look back over the past year and see how they have changed or grown. 2017 was a rough one for a lot of people, and for me, it was a year of big changes.
At the start of 2017 I moved into an apartment in Seoul, started a new internship, graduated college, and life was changing rapidly.
Half a year later I went on a trip to Japan (a dream of mine since I was little). Afterward, my Korean Visa expired and my ARC was taken, and I moved back to the US. It was partially my choice to leave, but I didn't really have a choice when you think about it.
I have moved 3 times this past year, from a dorm to an apartment, then to a house in California, then from that house to another apartment (also in CA). I have changed what I wanted to do with my life over and over again. There's a list in my head of what I want to achieve that morphs and changes over time and I try to accomplish it while the list stays relatively the same.
My music taste has changed, the friends I'm around have changed, my clothes are changing. I also cut off 15 inches of hair, giving myself the shortest hair I have had since I was a kid (as seen below).
All of these things sound like big dramatic changes, but I don't feel that different really. I still feel like myself and my values have stayed the same. It's hard to list resolutions because I just don't seem to keep them. It's easy to keep promises to others, but not really to myself.
I want to be the person who wakes up at 7 am and works all day, feeling satisfied that I had a productive day. The thing is that I have several mental blocks to get to that point, namely anxiety and depression, which hang around me like little clouds that suddenly downpour without warning. This is probably relatable to a lot of people. It's hard to keep up what I want to, but I'm going to try.
I started off the year with the stomach flu, and that "speedbump" of inactivity makes it hard to be productive again. I just want to promise myself to do the best I can. And I think that's a good enough resolution for myself.
I'm going to do the best I can.
All we really can do is the best that we can, there's no "better than your best", not really. I don't really believe in giving 110% because there's only 100% of me. That makes sense, right?
Being honest is hard, being vulnerable is hard, but sometimes it's necessary. Life is changing rapidly for me and I hope to get that trajectory upward in the next couple months.
I miss a lot about Korea, I really do. Friends, people, cafes, food, transportation, museums, etc. I had a pretty good thing going there, but I couldn't see myself going "up" in any way. There was always something or someone that didn't let me climb the ladder and I needed to get out before I got stuck.
I have some risky ideas of what I want to do with my life. Many people support me, but there are also those who dismiss me or give me that patronizing look like they would a child wanting to visit Mars.
I want to promise more skincare reviews, more comics, more videos, more art. And I will try for all of that. But I'm just going to do the best I can and hope that things will look up.
I wish that everyone who reads this has a happy year and that they will get closer to their goals (or find their goals if they're not sure of them yet).
It's 2018 now so let's do the best we can.
See you next time,